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Men don t write about feelings, this isn t manly. Men are hard, think logically, coherently and don t show any feelings. And yet they reach limits where this picture isn t quite true anymore. When my wife died, precisely this picture was torn to pieces. Looking for books written by men about this topic, I wasn t able to find any. This is how this book came into being. I wrote down my thoughts in the period before and after my wife s death. Thoughts noted down by a person who is trying to regain control of his life, lead his life and show his four children the way.